I finally have a good amount of time to sort out my thoughts, feelings, and what has been going on down here in Belo. This is a long one, so hopefully I can adequately catch everyone up on everything.
We just got back from our investigative retreat yesterday and it was an amazing time! We had about 70 Brazilians go to the retreat that was based on the movie Inception. It was really cool to see how our speakers correlated the movie and the important questions to turn peoples’ thoughts to our lives and eternity. Questions such as, “What could have possibly created us…” “What is the relevance of Jesus…” etc. It was really amazing to see the responses from the Brazilians in my discussion group (we broke up into groups of 10-15). It seemed for the most part that the vast majority in my group were genuinely interested in thinking past their lives on this earth. It is so awesome to see this after hearing the generalized outlook, and even experiencing the lack of interest from students thus far. I was continually praying (and knew that you too were praying) for God to give me the right words and to place me around the right people to impact his kingdom. Although a long and slow process, I know that seeds have been planted and will begin to cultivate over the months and years to come. Every question asked in our discussion group, it seemed God gave me the right words to help the Brazilians think deeper and see a perspective of someone who was once blind to the Gospel just as they are. Reminiscing back on when I first started truly investigating the gospel of Christ and finally understanding It (Dec. 2008), I realized we so desperately need three attributes in our search for any truth: Desire, Humility, and Courage. Without one of these three, our search and acceptance of the truth we find can be completely hindered. For example, in my own search, I had the desire to know a deeper truth, one I had rejected and overlooked so many years of my life (I did not understand the gospel of Christ in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, but rather had never read them, and catered the gospel to my own liking by picking, choosing, and even making up what I thought was in there). I also had the courage to discover truths and face the persecution from friends and others who did not agree, but I lacked the humility to admit my wrongs, my faults, anything that I didn’t agree with. Without the humility, I was still blind to the gospel and could not be affected by the love of Christ. I could not accept the truths that were so prevalent in his written word. For the Brazilians in my group this weekend, courage was the attribute that was so repetitively mentioned as being the attribute that was lacking in their lives. Afraid of what friends and family might say; afraid of what they might find that could change every bit of their lives… it was heart breaking to see how we let others get in the way of our eternities, but so encouraging to know how these students were so open and vulnerable to voicing these weaknesses and insecurities to people they don’t even know. Surely if they can do this, God can move in them to grow their desire to find answers and truths that can supersede any lie of this life. I am so excited to continue getting to know these students and start having conversations that could radically affect their eternities. Some of the students investigating include: Wesley, Pablo, Prescilla, Bruno, Raphael, Raphaela, Gustavo, & Venisus. Some of the students who are already believers and continue to grow in their walks and ministry are Wellinton, Vanesinha, & Renatha.
For me, I have still been extremely tired all the time. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually…in all areas I crash each day in the early afternoon. I believe that I have not been resting enough…not understanding when I have been filled my tanks to full, and also just not being able to completely relax when I am resting. I have realized that one of my deep desires is to worship in English. For me, it is so hard to listen to worship songs in Portuguese, and not know what all is being said, and having to concentrate on how to say words and figure out what they mean. During church last night, I was envisioning being back in Orlando and worshipping with the project there. It almost brought me to tears and even now makes my eyes water and my heart yearn for corporate worship where I can just cry out to God without any barriers. At the same time, I feel sadness and hurt thinking of leaving the friendships I have created here, with the possibility of never seeing these brothers and sisters in Christ again, until we reunite in heaven with our King.
I wish I could adequately express how this trip has already changed my life so much. Words cannot even begin to describe a one hundredth of what has happened to my heart here. I pray that when I return home, that these things will stick with me for the rest of my life and I will forever be a changed man who more closely reflects Christ. I think the only way to possibly come close to describing the impact of this culture, these people, this other world, is by the emotions that will reveal my heart once I come back to the world I once knew…that will be so radically different.
I’m sure that there is plenty I left out that I wanted to mention. I’ll look at my notes later and add whatever I forgot. Love you all, and thank you for your diligently prayers.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
(A) Try me and know my thoughts![a]
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and(B) lead me in(C) the way everlasting
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